Future-Sick Part 1
In October the doctors in St. Louis did a few tests and decided that the nerves in my arm weren't coming back on their own so I'd need surgery.
The surgery was scheduled for Nov 18th. They also scheduled a repeat of the tests for Nov 16th so we could make 100% sure the nerves weren't coming back on their own.
After the test Nov 16th my doctor said, "The tests show that it isn't coming back on it's own so we'll go ahead with the surgery".
This surprised me a little because I felt like I could move it more than I could before.
I said to the doctor "Darn, I was pretty sure it was coming back on it's own!" So he said, "Well let's do a few manual tests to see."
So we did a few tests and he decided that the EMG Nerve study test that was done only an hour previously was incorrect and he agreed with me that my arm WAS coming back on it's own!
WOO-Hoo!! I was so excited.
That was until he said, "Come back in December for surgery, that way we'll give it one more month to see if it'll come back on it's own."
I WASN'T excited for that. Sure I should have been, but I had made myself ready for a "Yes, you're having surgery," or a, "No, it's coming back on it's own." Not a, "hmmm....come back in another month and we'll see what happens."
I'm ready for the future! When my arm is finally better. I don't care if I do or don't have to have surgery, as long as the doctors appts. are over and we know my arm is coming back and I can get on with my life!
Future-Sick Part 2
I've never been one of those girls who flocks to a baby so they can hold it. I like kids, and I love teaching the 6 year olds in primary, but I've never really been the kind of girl who pines to be a mother.
This past week I babysat for a family in our ward. I've babysat for people for extended periods of time before (like spent the night at the house because the parents were gone for a week or so) and left thinking, "Ok, that was that." But this time babysitting THSES kids had a weird affect on me.
One of the kids asked me, "Did we make you not want to have kids?" And embarrassingly enough I almost started crying. Ok, I'll confess... I DID cry. I went to my moms house and started crying because I was feeling some void in my life because I didn't have a family.
I left the kids Monday morning so I could go to St. Louis for my tests/surgery (grrr) and one of the kids said, "Wait!!" and he ran down the hall and gave me a hug before I left. I got in my moms van and cried again because I was sad to be leaving.
I don't know how their parents left and didn't emotionally break down, because they AREN'T EVEN MY KIDS and I got all emotional when I left.
That story probably made me seem like a freak and I'm sure their parents will NEVER let me babysit again because I'm such a weirdo. But their kids really were great. They weren't perfect all the time and I got frustrated a few times, but they really were wonderful.
I'm ready to be a mom...I think. I'm ready for the future when I have a family and I can feel justified in crying when I leave them because they are MY kids. I don't think I could have a small family either. I want lots of kids.
I've always wanted my mom to adopt, and think in order to make up for her never adopting I want to adopt.
Ok... I need to stop blogging because this is ENTIRELY too long and I'm starting to look weird.
OH MY GOSH!! Just real quickly I went searching for a picture to put at the top of this blog and I typed "future" in to an image search and it came up with this:
hello! Family is HUGE on that!!!
In October the doctors in St. Louis did a few tests and decided that the nerves in my arm weren't coming back on their own so I'd need surgery.
The surgery was scheduled for Nov 18th. They also scheduled a repeat of the tests for Nov 16th so we could make 100% sure the nerves weren't coming back on their own.
After the test Nov 16th my doctor said, "The tests show that it isn't coming back on it's own so we'll go ahead with the surgery".
This surprised me a little because I felt like I could move it more than I could before.
I said to the doctor "Darn, I was pretty sure it was coming back on it's own!" So he said, "Well let's do a few manual tests to see."
So we did a few tests and he decided that the EMG Nerve study test that was done only an hour previously was incorrect and he agreed with me that my arm WAS coming back on it's own!
WOO-Hoo!! I was so excited.
That was until he said, "Come back in December for surgery, that way we'll give it one more month to see if it'll come back on it's own."
I WASN'T excited for that. Sure I should have been, but I had made myself ready for a "Yes, you're having surgery," or a, "No, it's coming back on it's own." Not a, "hmmm....come back in another month and we'll see what happens."
I'm ready for the future! When my arm is finally better. I don't care if I do or don't have to have surgery, as long as the doctors appts. are over and we know my arm is coming back and I can get on with my life!
Future-Sick Part 2
I've never been one of those girls who flocks to a baby so they can hold it. I like kids, and I love teaching the 6 year olds in primary, but I've never really been the kind of girl who pines to be a mother.
This past week I babysat for a family in our ward. I've babysat for people for extended periods of time before (like spent the night at the house because the parents were gone for a week or so) and left thinking, "Ok, that was that." But this time babysitting THSES kids had a weird affect on me.
One of the kids asked me, "Did we make you not want to have kids?" And embarrassingly enough I almost started crying. Ok, I'll confess... I DID cry. I went to my moms house and started crying because I was feeling some void in my life because I didn't have a family.
I left the kids Monday morning so I could go to St. Louis for my tests/surgery (grrr) and one of the kids said, "Wait!!" and he ran down the hall and gave me a hug before I left. I got in my moms van and cried again because I was sad to be leaving.
I don't know how their parents left and didn't emotionally break down, because they AREN'T EVEN MY KIDS and I got all emotional when I left.
That story probably made me seem like a freak and I'm sure their parents will NEVER let me babysit again because I'm such a weirdo. But their kids really were great. They weren't perfect all the time and I got frustrated a few times, but they really were wonderful.
I'm ready to be a mom...I think. I'm ready for the future when I have a family and I can feel justified in crying when I leave them because they are MY kids. I don't think I could have a small family either. I want lots of kids.
I've always wanted my mom to adopt, and think in order to make up for her never adopting I want to adopt.
Ok... I need to stop blogging because this is ENTIRELY too long and I'm starting to look weird.
OH MY GOSH!! Just real quickly I went searching for a picture to put at the top of this blog and I typed "future" in to an image search and it came up with this:
hello! Family is HUGE on that!!!
6 comments:
Future Part 1: The whole surgery thing is frustrating, I admit.
Future Part 2: You have always been good with kids, you would make an excellent teacher (have you ever heard that before?), and you will be a wonderful mother some day!
First, your blog wasn't long at all...mine are long!! Yours are normal and perfect.
I'm the same about kids. I've never been the girl that want to hold babies. I think this is partially due to the fact that I was the baby and never had the opportunity to hold them when I was younger. But within the last few months I've wanted to get married and get started. I think I may have even started to cry because I wanted someone to care for. So that's make me even more weird because you actually had kids that you were caring for. :)
I need to write a blog about this sometime, but I think I'm a little afraid to. Gosh.
I miss you Tacy!!
Ok, your blog just made me cry! Ask any of my friends, I don't usually cry. I was so worried about how everything would turn out, but this just made me realize you WERE the perfect choice for my kids! Thanks a million times Tacy! You will understand when you are a mom how much this meant to me. ALL of my kids LOVE you and say, "the Nelson sisters are SO cool mom! Tacy can watch us ANYTIME!" You rock! BTW, sorry about your arm, but I am so glad to hear you MAY not need surgery. Nothing is worse then not knowing. Love You!!
I hope everything goes okay with your arm and that you heal without getting surgery! That's scary, but if you do get surgery, I'm pretty sure those docs know what they're doing (that's why they go to years and years of school and then practice and practice).
Ditto on the Future part dos. It's hard when You've got friends who are not only all married, nor just married with a kid, but married with TWO children. Ya, it's weird for me, too. I was sitting calculating about when I'm going to graduate from here, and it won't happen until I'm 25. I just try to remember every day that no one has the same experiences at the same time. God's aware of us singles out there (that are secretly family hungry).
P.S. Try holding African orphan babies. That'll make you crave being a mom even more! (My summer of 2006)
Tacy you are so amazing. I never think the stuff you write is weird. You are so sweet and honest. You are just Amazing! =)
I agree with everyone! I am also future sick. It scares to to think about what step is next.
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